When Forever Fades Away

At the time of a Hindu marriage, the groom is worshipped by the bride’s parents as an embodiment of Lord Vishnu. They anoint his forehead with Kumkum and rice, wash his feet and offer him Panchamrit (mixture of milk, curd, honey, desi ghee and sugarcane juice). They give their daughter as a Kanya Daan to him. The father of the bride says that he gives his daughter to the groom, for him to beget progeny through her, for the prosperity of his clan and for them to do good Karma (Daan-Punya) together.

Later when the doli enters the groom’s house, the groom’s mother welcomes the bride at her doorstep by doing Aarti and worshipping her as Lakshmi, the Goddess of wealth. She puts a pot of rice at the door step for the bride to tip, with her toe. The spilling of raw rice onto the floor, is symbolic of abundance and prosperity.

During the wedding rituals, the boy and the girl are said to embody Lakshmi and Vishnu. But do we carry this feeling, as we move forward in life?

Some days back, I was at a doctor’s clinic. An aged man had brought his ailing wife  to see the doctor there. Both seemed to be in their eighties. The elderly gentleman said, “Doctor, my wife is my Lakshmi. Do whatever you have to, but make her well. I am what I am, because of her. If she’s not there, I am nothing. I need her by my side. I cannot exist without her.” Did this loving oratory and caring attitude of the old man make him a henpecked husband or a Joru ka Gulam?

When I looked at the woman, I saw that she was calm, composed and dignified. The wrinkles on the faces of both, told stories of many ups and downs in life that they had weathered together. The man continued, “She recently made Panjeeri for me. She is very active, despite being so sick.” What struck me was the mutual love and respect that was evident in their aura. Yes, mutual love and respect are the foundation of a good relationship with your spouse.

As the couple moved out, I happened to have a chat with the lady doctor and she said, “Even my husband often says this; but it’s just …”  I said, “Why? Lucky are the women whose husbands’ say so. And lucky are the men whose wives value them. There are many men who couldn’t care less for their wives. And there are many women too, who don’t bother about their husbands!”

Marriage is sacrosanct. Sadly, the sanctity of marriage is dwindling in the minds of the modern youth. No one has time to care for or adjust with their spouse. The youth are being encouraged to think that life is all about ‘I, Me and Myself’. It’s in vogue to be self-centred.

Our forefathers expounded the principal of Pati-Parmeshwara. But this was not male chauvinistic. Because the woman too was said to be Greh-Lakshmi. Parvati and Shiva are called Prakriti-Parmeshwar. Don’t we believe that every human, nay, every living being has a minuscule portion of divinity in him? If each man and woman were to see the spark of divinity in their spouse, their home would be a place of peace, respect and love. If a couple sets the tone for mutual respect, their children would surely learn from their example.

Sadly, it is cool for men to ridicule their wives amidst their friends and share wife-bashing jokes. Women too indulge in husband-bashing behind their backs.

Live-in relationships have become prevalent like never before. The incidence of broken marriages and extra-marital relationships is sky-rocketing. Let us save ourselves, the society and the future generations, from the deteriorating values that have led to skewed mindsets. The institution of marriage is being eroded. We need to re-evaluate our values.

This piece has been published in the Hindustan Times on 16.02.2025. It can be viewed here https://www.hindustantimes.com/cities/chandigarh-news/sunrays-when-forever-fades-away-101739643017874.html